Current Scenario of Indian Politics

Debate is on till today whether India should sign the 123 Agreement with US or not. Even before Dr. Manmohan Singh gave assent to the agreement, the Left backed off their support to UPA.

LK Advani and his party men wouldn’t waste a minute to move a vote of no-confidence even though they aren't capable of running the Central Government. Cricketers, movie stars and illiterate men wearing Dhotis washed by Ujala Liquid Blue would soon be seen scrambling with handkerchiefs to Advani’s residence hoping to secure a seat in the Parliament as though they are catching a seat in an unreserved compartment.

Indian politicians’ hobby is to play the game Sha-Boo-Three at nation’s expense. On the judgment day, all the 552 members of the Lok Sabha will form a (straight) circle and the Speaker Somnath Chatterjee will Announce, "Majority Wins". Then he would go around counting the number of palms facing up and down. Due to Bogus vote alert, there would be a huge brawl in the Parliament and the entire Nation would watch it live on Doordarshan, Sun and Jaya News channels with incorrigible commentary from Arun Lal, Mandira Bedi and Yashpal Sharma. Unfortunately, Navjot Singh Sidhu would not be present to give his catchy lines and quotes as he would also be playing the Sha-Boo-five-hundred-and-fifty-Three game in the Parliament. The voting session would be called off for the day and the Indian Army sent in to disperse the mob. The next day morning in the Parliament, Somnath Chatterjee would stand on the bench and give a lecture on how to play a decent game and then announce, “Minority Wins”. Not realizing the context, the Dalits and other minority groups would start bursting fire crackers on the streets believing the Minorities are going to rule the country for the next five years.

When a TV channel recently approached Chatterjee to know his future plans on supporting BJP or UPA, he said: "Leave it to me, I am still the speaker."

The inconspicuous, dormant and powerless President called Pratibha Patil would finally be put to use to declare an Emergency in the Nation. Meanwhile, President Musharraf would declare Emergency in Pakistan eight seconds before Prathibha Patil declared it in India. After a few days, Mrs. Patil would again exercise her power and appoint LK Advani as the new Prime Minister. The ever-gleaming Advani would drop Pratibha back home in the same chariot he used for his Ratha Yatra. When asked why he replaced his motorcade with chariots, Advani attributed it to exorbitant fuel-prices and was quoted saying,” Chariot is the Gatorade of my Motorcade”.

On the other side of the Globe, the approval from NSG is still pending and the number of sessions before US Congress can approve the deal is less than the number of sessions while Bush is in power. After Obama steps in, there would definitely be some changes and the nuclear deal would get postponed. For some strange reason, am reminded of the school prayer song, ‘Obama.. Obama.. Obama in the high hills’. Instead of Obama, had it been Osama, the song would have at least made some sense because Osama resides somewhere in the Afghan mountains.

Attributing to indefinite deferral of the 123 agreement, Somnath Chatterjee would address the Parliament and say, “Enough of Sha-Boo-Three or Majority Wins. From now on, it is 1-2-3, you go Free!!”

Culture Shock: India and US

After a semester of graduate studies with summer holidays for the next two months, I’ve got to be kidding if I said I am busy. So thought I could reflect on the changes I’ve seen over the last few months. The major one was moving from India to US just like my fellow Indian folks who come as a whooping bunch here to do their post-graduation. Now that that is said, let me take you through the (funny) differences which exist between United States and India or probably the rest of the world.

The moment you land here, there is a very good chance of you getting robbed legally and/or killed in the highway. Even before you step out of the airport, you would at least be five dollars lesser than when you were sitting in the plane eating the free boiled rice with bread and cheese as side dish. The airport authority expects you to pay them three dollars in cash/card for the miserable trolley they provide. Then when you insert a dollar coin into the pay phone and dial a number which is not answered, don’t be surprised if your coin doesn’t come back. For anything you buy, there would be a thousand page ‘terms and conditions’ and you get robbed because you missed reading a tiny clause. Believe it or not, every passenger flying into any city in US pays at least 30 $ as 9/11 security fee in his flight ticket!! (I thought the WTC attack happened seven years ago). Robbing doesn’t end there. It goes on and on until you get back in the plane and fly back home.

When the whole world drives on the left side of the road, Americans think they drive the right way: They drive on the right. But ‘right’ went wrong for me and almost got me killed when I tried to cross the road after I saw no vehicle coming from my right. When everyone writes date in dd-mm-yyyy format, Americans think it is fun to be different or like to cause confusion and hence write in mm-dd-yyyy format. When your full name is written as first name and then the last name everywhere, this part of the globe uses last name first and then the first name. Kilometers are miles, kilograms are pounds, liters are gallons or ounces, yours sincerely is sincerely yours…. What is next in the series of confusion? Dads are Moms and Moms are Dads??

Fuel is cheaper than water or milk. Fuel on an average had increased from 3.50 $ to 4 $ mark per gallon (3.78 liters) and I find it so hard to see America weep over it, when the rest of the world pays about half their salary on fuel but still manages to smile.

The best part about US studies is: Bits during examinations are legal. In fact, you can take your entire book to the examination.

America might be better known as 'United States' but you can see the states united only in the country's name. Each state acts like it is a country by itself. The taxes are different for each state. Driver’s License in one state is not valid in another state. For a particular crime, the law in one state can sentence you with 20 years imprisonment whereas in a different state, you might get fried in an electric chair.

I think the Americans have always found difficulty in coining a name. What is a country comprised of? Answer: Many Cities. Further each city is comprised of so many areas. But in this country, they conveniently removed the ‘r’ from country and called city as ‘County’ and then didn’t know how to name the area and hence called it City. Colleges are called schools here. If you are still not convinced that Americans are finding trouble in coinage, take the example of New York or Washington. They had exploited all the words they know of and hence had to use them for both the state and city name. This only reminds me of ‘Number 6, Dubai Kuruku Sandhu, Dubai Main Road, Dubai !‘.Need more proof? Americans pronounce the word ‘Patrol’ as ‘Petrol’. So to avoid any trouble, they decided to call petrol as Gasoline or in short, Gas. I really wonder what the Senators have decided to keep for the actual word ‘Gas’.

One concerning aspect anyone would definitely notice in US is the toilets. The water-level inside the porcelain is just two inches below your buttocks unlike the porcelains in the rest of the world. Many times I’ve accidentally touched the water-level while trying to use the toilet paper for cleaning after defecation. I am pretty sure it would have happened to many people out there. I guess the food input equals fecal output and hence the need of so much water inside the porcelain.

Things people like about US are the technology, frankness, efficiency and timeliness. From car seat adjustment to toll bridge sensor to GPS system to just absolutely any gadget, technology is unprecedented and on the forefront. As far as I’ve seen, most of the Americans prefer someone who is open – be it telling the truth or be it showing off the naked body. The railway gates automatically closes just ten seconds before the train passes and begins to open even before the last compartment has moved away. Everyone sticks to the clock and I really wonder how every watch has been beautifully synchronized to the rest of them. In India, each television channel differs from the rest of them at least by a minute.

Americans love to live their life King Size. What is not big with them – Gas guzzling sports cars and limousines, Roads, Houses, Plasma TV’s, Refrigerators, Units of measurement, Water level in Toilets, Coffee cups, Meals, Paunches, Boobs and what not. For the conservative sect of people in the society, I am sorry but I couldn’t afford not to notice the last one or act like I never thought of that. Every one owns a car and one must really be living on the streets to not have a car. There is so much opportunity for lucrative jobs and better career prospects which adds up to make America the Dreamland.

In spite of all the amazing stuff present here, you will only feel it is a beautiful jail you got into. Deep down you will always crave to be in your very own hometown, go out to dine, beach and movie, fight but still co-exist with near and dear ones and ride bikes or small cars at breakneck speeds without getting caught with the local cops. There are definitely certain things that money can’t buy, for everything else there is MasterCard and (US) Visa.

Marriage - The Social extravaganza

Sitting in a Marriage Hall on the night before the judgment day, finding trouble to sleep because of the innumerous activities bustling around makes me wonder what the fuss is all about. Marriage in general is an object of ridicule but the height of it would an Arranged Marriage!! With information technology in the form of Matrimonial websites and Marriage fairs adding to the fluff, I really wonder if Marriages can mock itself any further.

It all starts when a boy crosses the ‘26 years’ barrier. Still worse is the state of the poor girl when she is about to finish her graduation. A (wo) manhunt would be launched to find their Mr. (s) Right through Newspaper, websites, hand-outs and more effectively through word-of-mouth. A typical matrimonial Advertisement given by the bride would appear this way: 22 years fair, slim, good-looking, well-educated, good family, 50,000, Brahmin girl looking for fairest, very smart, strikingly Good looking, MBA, born with silver spoon bridegroom. For those who have never read a matrimonial advertisement, the number 50,000 refers to the salary earned by the girl in rupees per month. Though it’s over-rated, didn’t the advertisement sound like the dream girl you ever wanted?? Reading the other matrimonial advertisements might get you bewildered and disoriented because you will only find a lot more dream girls.


Once the two parties are identified, the horoscopes are exchanged and each party runs to their own astrologer (imagine them as frantically running!) to check for their star matching. Definitely there would be a problem in the bride and groom matching but paying a lump sum amount to the astrologer would solve the issue quite easily. Having a family doctor is healthy; family Business is truly professional ; family planning also sounds fine to a sect of the people; But a family Astrologer ? Astrology might be the biggest thriving business seconding only to the marriage halls which are rented out by their owners at minimum rate of 150,000 rupees a day.

A Marriage is never initiated without coming into an “Understanding” between the two families and by that word I mean dowry. Let us not get into the gory details of dowry but the amount paid to the groom goes on an ascending logarithmic scale from an Engineering graduate to a post graduate to an IIT student to a doctor and the highest is paid to the NRI. After months of preparation and purchase of zillion stuffs, the budget unsurprisingly touches 50 lakh rupees. Breakfast, lunch, brunch, tea, snacks, dinner for two – three days along with accommodation are arranged to a bunch of totally unknown and unwanted people. Even worse is the North Indian Marriage which goes on and on for a week. Care is taken while giving out the wedding invitation cards and the hospitality showed during the marriage day because anything short of the bench-marked standards can result in bad blood running in the family for decades.

People come in and go out of the marriage hall as though it is a “Chathram”. Yes, you heard it right. It is one place where you can walk in and out without being interrogated. If you ever fall short of money and/ or unable to locate a good restaurant, here is an idea: Just walk in to the nearest marriage hall and enjoy a sumptuous food. You will also be given a bag of sweets and various other assortments as you leave the hall. Trust me; you can never be caught for trespassing because no one knows everyone there. Even if you get caught, there is no section in the law which says it is a criminal offence for strangers to walk into a marriage hall for satisfying their appetite. Or you could always use the South Park idea: If you get caught, tell them that you misinterpreted the rules.

Totally unknown faces meet under a roof, exchange a few greetings only to finally rush to the dining hall and reserve a seat for their family while the bride and groom are left alone to suffer in front of the fire place “AGNI” and cough for hours together. The punishment does not end there. A reception is held the same evening where the couple is made to stand (e) motionless for hours in front of camera and lights. Many families take turns by standing in a long queue to pose with the newly wedded couple just like how the Prime Ministers of two countries pose during their press meet. After seeing the couple from a close distance, some give a scornful look while some giving a beaming smile nonstop for about a minute at the camera lens. Meeting strangers one fine evening and enquiring about their lives might be tough for you, but the only reconciliation your parents get is finding your perfect partner in the same hall. Marriage is definitely a catastrophe in Avalanche!

After all this, the most interesting and ironically the strangest Event is coming up – “The First Night”. The Bride and the Groom who have hardly exchanged a meaningful conversation with each other are pushed inside one room the SAME night of the Marriage with their bed decorated to consummate the marriage. While this event is going on, the couples’ parents sitting outside the room sighs a relief and appear contended. I really can’t imagine what would happen if the same parents found their boy intimate with his girl friend. The entire social extravaganza, reckless spending and the first night makes us conceive that Marriage is definitely a costly license to sex.

The munificent spending for a crowd of near total strangers, ravaging the resources and creation of black market makes marriage lose its very essence of celebrating the day of two soul mates getting together. A Marriage would rather look respectable if the couples had fallen in love for quite some time and after resolving their differences still decide to get married for a life-long commitment. It would look elegant if marriages are conducted in a Temple or a Church or in any place of worship in the ‘Alaipayuthey’ movie style. It cannot demean itself any further if conducted in a Marriage hall and have all those unsuitable potpourris. I really have to catch up on the girl who walked past the hall sometime back. After all, Marriages can prove to be a Chain Reaction.